"When the music fades
All is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless Your heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the things I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus"
Monday, September 15, 2008.
I've missed church for 2 weeks now, which really sucks, because I really want to go. Not because of the people, not because I have to , but because of the message. I really feel like my parents are avoiding FBC Oakland now, because of some tensions going on between my mom and the auntie's. I admit, I used to go to church just because of who was there, or because I was forced to. Over time, I've come to realize that we go there for the Lord. To fellowship together, to worship our loving, Heavenly Father. But it didn't take only going to church. I haven't really realized how important this is to me until 2 years ago. 2 years ago, I was at that age where I could be allowed to go to Summer Camp. Summer camp is a Christian camp for youth which has been going on for 30 years. Or moreover, this year was it's 30th Anniversary, also my 3rd year. Anyways, my first year, back in 2006, helped me realize what kind of Christian I am. Pastor Danny (Yes, I still remember him, DJ, his son, being my best friend at camp [x) was giving his message. Since it was my first year, I wasn't used to waking up early, and then listening to hour and a half long sermons. So during his messages, I would nod off for a couple of minutes, only to wake up telling myself I have to listen. Well, I finally heard the part, which I took to heart. He was talking about 3 seats. The 3rd seat, being last, was like one of those "go to church, then leave" Christians. Nothing was really soaking in. The 2nd seat, was a mixture of the 1st and 3rd. They go to chuch, they understand the message, they just don't regurgitate it out. They don't let others know about Christ. This is where I fall. A 2nd seater. Finally, there's the 1st seat. The 1st seat is where you're the best christian you can be. You listen to the messages, you read your bible, you spread his word, you grow as a christian, etc. The 1st seat is where I want to be. For the past 2 years, I tried to reach this 1st seat. I tried to grow as a Christian. I came to realize after last years camp, was that when Camp came, the fire was as big as it can get. I get on a spiritual high. But as soon as I re-enter the real world, as soon as my feet touch the urban city soil, my fire begins to slowly die. Problems rise and such. I start to get influenced by my non-christian friends again. Things start to be normal again. Then this year's camp came. There were so many new faces, it was just inspiring. All these new people willing to learn about God, willing to serve Him, etc. Then there was the speaker. Pastor Reuel. Pastor of FBC Vallejo. Boy, did he just connect with me in so many ways. I had so much questions before camp came, and to my surprise, he answered EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM in his messages. To top it all off, a very close kuya of mine, Kuya Aaron, led the worship team. It was just WOW. We sang Hillsong United songs, and the meanings of each song just got to me. It was then I knew, I had to keep my fire lit this time. I had to grow as a Christian. Pastor Reuel gave us a challenge. If we read our bible 15 minutes a day, we'll be able to finish it in a year. I accepted this challenge, hoping I could grow. This year is just full of blessings.
Now then, this problem issue. I'm having this rollercoaster life right now. My life has it's Up's, but with every up comes a down. The parents are having their occassional fight. I can't stand it. Just to hear their screaming, to hear my mother crying. It's just unbearable. I want to stay in my room, I want to get away from it. I try to blast my music volume as loud as I can to drown it all out. I Just want to get away from it all..Where will I Go, is the problem. And How will I even get there. I would Love to be able to go to Christine at times like these. I have these thoughts about running away, to just be with her. I've also had these similar thoughts with Shawn. To Just Run away somewhere in the wilderness - just me, my bible, and God. All the time, I've chickened out. So these are just problems at home. Then there's school. School is so stressing. Only the 3rd week, and already there is a whole bunch of homework and tests. I couldn't handle the stress, so I was forced to drop AP World History, Honors English, and French II. I Was left with Honors Advanced Alg. and Trig, Honors Biology, Team Sports, History CP, Digital Photography&Computers, and English CP. This really sucks. I tried to make up for it by being in Classboard and attempt to be on the badminton team as Hoa's doubles partner. All of this just adds on to more of the stress. Then there's the friends. I Don't know who my real are friends anymore.Sure, I've been with most of them for quite awhile now. But does that really mean anything? Alot of them really act like assholes. Then, they suddenly turn that off, and turn on the nice guy? Like WTF. I feel like I can never really be serious with them. There really is only a few people I can trust in this world. I know my bruhbruh's got my back. Got that mad love for BBC. I know Christine is one of the most trustworthy people I know. Not even the cousins I can trust anymore. They all act like they have me figured out. We're all so different. They don't know me at all. I don't even know me. Weird right? I just don't know anymore. At least my life has it's up side. I have the most wonderfullest girlfriend. She's so good to me, I don't even think I deserve her. She tells me I do, I really don't think so. I really have to disagree. I'm so blessed to have someone like her. What am I saying? I keep thinking about the problems. I Shouldn't even be thinking this way. Again, we're all just living for Jesus. That's the whole reason why I put the lyrics of Heart Of Worship up there. "I'm coming back to the heart of worship, And it's all about You ,It's all about You, Jesus." That's exactly right. It's all about you Jesus. I Should stop worrying about me, me, me and just start Praising&thanking the Lord for all the good AND bad things. What got me though, was AJ Rafael's new cover video of this song. It just inspired me even more to keep my fire blazing strong.
I've missed church for 2 weeks now, which really sucks, because I really want to go. Not because of the people, not because I have to , but because of the message. I really feel like my parents are avoiding FBC Oakland now, because of some tensions going on between my mom and the auntie's. I admit, I used to go to church just because of who was there, or because I was forced to. Over time, I've come to realize that we go there for the Lord. To fellowship together, to worship our loving, Heavenly Father. But it didn't take only going to church. I haven't really realized how important this is to me until 2 years ago. 2 years ago, I was at that age where I could be allowed to go to Summer Camp. Summer camp is a Christian camp for youth which has been going on for 30 years. Or moreover, this year was it's 30th Anniversary, also my 3rd year. Anyways, my first year, back in 2006, helped me realize what kind of Christian I am. Pastor Danny (Yes, I still remember him, DJ, his son, being my best friend at camp [x) was giving his message. Since it was my first year, I wasn't used to waking up early, and then listening to hour and a half long sermons. So during his messages, I would nod off for a couple of minutes, only to wake up telling myself I have to listen. Well, I finally heard the part, which I took to heart. He was talking about 3 seats. The 3rd seat, being last, was like one of those "go to church, then leave" Christians. Nothing was really soaking in. The 2nd seat, was a mixture of the 1st and 3rd. They go to chuch, they understand the message, they just don't regurgitate it out. They don't let others know about Christ. This is where I fall. A 2nd seater. Finally, there's the 1st seat. The 1st seat is where you're the best christian you can be. You listen to the messages, you read your bible, you spread his word, you grow as a christian, etc. The 1st seat is where I want to be. For the past 2 years, I tried to reach this 1st seat. I tried to grow as a Christian. I came to realize after last years camp, was that when Camp came, the fire was as big as it can get. I get on a spiritual high. But as soon as I re-enter the real world, as soon as my feet touch the urban city soil, my fire begins to slowly die. Problems rise and such. I start to get influenced by my non-christian friends again. Things start to be normal again. Then this year's camp came. There were so many new faces, it was just inspiring. All these new people willing to learn about God, willing to serve Him, etc. Then there was the speaker. Pastor Reuel. Pastor of FBC Vallejo. Boy, did he just connect with me in so many ways. I had so much questions before camp came, and to my surprise, he answered EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM in his messages. To top it all off, a very close kuya of mine, Kuya Aaron, led the worship team. It was just WOW. We sang Hillsong United songs, and the meanings of each song just got to me. It was then I knew, I had to keep my fire lit this time. I had to grow as a Christian. Pastor Reuel gave us a challenge. If we read our bible 15 minutes a day, we'll be able to finish it in a year. I accepted this challenge, hoping I could grow. This year is just full of blessings.
Now then, this problem issue. I'm having this rollercoaster life right now. My life has it's Up's, but with every up comes a down. The parents are having their occassional fight. I can't stand it. Just to hear their screaming, to hear my mother crying. It's just unbearable. I want to stay in my room, I want to get away from it. I try to blast my music volume as loud as I can to drown it all out. I Just want to get away from it all..Where will I Go, is the problem. And How will I even get there. I would Love to be able to go to Christine at times like these. I have these thoughts about running away, to just be with her. I've also had these similar thoughts with Shawn. To Just Run away somewhere in the wilderness - just me, my bible, and God. All the time, I've chickened out. So these are just problems at home. Then there's school. School is so stressing. Only the 3rd week, and already there is a whole bunch of homework and tests. I couldn't handle the stress, so I was forced to drop AP World History, Honors English, and French II. I Was left with Honors Advanced Alg. and Trig, Honors Biology, Team Sports, History CP, Digital Photography&Computers, and English CP. This really sucks. I tried to make up for it by being in Classboard and attempt to be on the badminton team as Hoa's doubles partner. All of this just adds on to more of the stress. Then there's the friends. I Don't know who my real are friends anymore.Sure, I've been with most of them for quite awhile now. But does that really mean anything? Alot of them really act like assholes. Then, they suddenly turn that off, and turn on the nice guy? Like WTF. I feel like I can never really be serious with them. There really is only a few people I can trust in this world. I know my bruhbruh's got my back. Got that mad love for BBC. I know Christine is one of the most trustworthy people I know. Not even the cousins I can trust anymore. They all act like they have me figured out. We're all so different. They don't know me at all. I don't even know me. Weird right? I just don't know anymore. At least my life has it's up side. I have the most wonderfullest girlfriend. She's so good to me, I don't even think I deserve her. She tells me I do, I really don't think so. I really have to disagree. I'm so blessed to have someone like her. What am I saying? I keep thinking about the problems. I Shouldn't even be thinking this way. Again, we're all just living for Jesus. That's the whole reason why I put the lyrics of Heart Of Worship up there. "I'm coming back to the heart of worship, And it's all about You ,It's all about You, Jesus." That's exactly right. It's all about you Jesus. I Should stop worrying about me, me, me and just start Praising&thanking the Lord for all the good AND bad things. What got me though, was AJ Rafael's new cover video of this song. It just inspired me even more to keep my fire blazing strong.
Well, that's all for now. I have to finish some Bio Homework. I just decided to vent out my thoughts onto this here blog. Until Next Time.
--Salvati0n.
PS. Please, please, PLEASE, Pray for Hurricane Ike Victims. These hurricanes are disastrous, and it's affecting the lives of many. Thanks.
--Salvati0n.
PS. Please, please, PLEASE, Pray for Hurricane Ike Victims. These hurricanes are disastrous, and it's affecting the lives of many. Thanks.
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